Happy life please comeback

Happy new year to those who  entered this  year with a blast. I personally did not have a good welcoming of this year it was so sad to share/ so negativistic but that is really what happened. My year starts with a lot of errors side by side there is no single day that i will not have even i single dillema to pounder on or maybe even a slight misunderstanding.

I do not know what God want me to know  but as much as how I wanted to drive myself to a happy road I always ending up to the lonely one. Most of the time I just want to be "comatose" so if I will wake up one day I will be happy and glad that it was all over and if I don't at least I am calm from deep within.

I am tired waking up day by day  of choosing to be happy and at the end will  be understood,  I am tired of dreaming this things will change, that there will be no reason for anyone of us to be the source of loneliness. I am tired, that unfortunately they always blame it to me. Loneliness is always being blame on me. Funny to think that the person they blame is also the same person who is much appreciated by other human creature who can see us from this jungle of emotions with her good deeds to sustain the what - so- called  "helpful behavior."

My enviroment just want to shut me off.  I can't complain. I can't talk . I can't act. Any communications made by me to them will all be against me. And that is what I all feel. What I feel is not part of  imagination. What I feel is all so true and from reality. I still have this small hopes of happiness that will be spread in the hearts and minds of every each person that  is part of my nature.

I want my happy life back. I wanna be happy.